Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize