so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
