We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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