Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
