I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
