sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
