im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
