the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
