its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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