Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm passing your future prison.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize