I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
