i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
