I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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