Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
