We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
