Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
