Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
