so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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