Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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