please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my being single is dangerous.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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