P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
