Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to calm my uterus...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
