normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
