if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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