I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
