You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
