I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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