I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
