I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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