Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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