and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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