Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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