I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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