i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
