On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to make a zoo with you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
