Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
