There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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