can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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