You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
