Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize