oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
