The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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