so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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