It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
