One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
