nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
