So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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