okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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