mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
