4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
