I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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