Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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