did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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