He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
