just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
