Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
