Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
