brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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