We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
