she was so not down for the gang bang
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize