so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
