My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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