you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize