I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
