Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
