And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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